Rencontres - First Girlfriend

PART ONE : Prologue.
This girl is my girlfriend. Well, she was. She dumped me, two weeks ago. I wanted to see her again before today, but it just didn’t happen.
Our relationship lasted three months. A "turn" like they say. It maybe doesn’t sound a long time to you, but she never kept a man for that long, although we both agreed it was our first “real” relationship. Myself, all the girlfriends I had was girls I met on Internet. That was nice, but after some years, I missed the physical part of love. Her last boyfriend… well, that’s an other story.
She gave me my first kiss in a perfect place: midnight, on a balcony. It was snowing… Just perfect. And I tend to believe that the rest was just as perfect as our first kiss.
So, what happened? I feel like I did something wrong, although I can’t really make out what. Maybe I talked too much. But she hardly never talks herself, and she said I made her laugh.
I won’t ever forget what she said to me, the night she dumped me: “I don’t feel anything for you anymore”. She told me she thought about the way she’d tall it to me for hours, but I assume she never had to break up with someone before. People say the worst is not to be hatred, but to be ignored. At least, when you’re hated, people have feelings for you. She told me I was her best friend and stuff, but those were just words…
Two days after, I tried to commit suicide. Medics. I didn’t tell her yet. I don’t know how she’ll feel about it. Will I tell her ? I don’t know.

PART TWO :
That’s it. I told her. I told her and now she’s crying on my shoulders. I wonder why I’m surprised. I hug her, but I don’t really feel any pain. I’m more… bothered, annoyed. Damn, I won’t be able to say anymore I always get very well with my ex girlfriends…

PART THREE:
Midnight, home, bed. Am I a monster? I realised I’m not. After my failed suicide, I had to build some kind of closure, protection, whatever the way you call it, just so I could get by the next few days. I think I still need it. Still got it, anyway…
When you don’t feel any pain, you don’t feel anything anymore.

PART FOUR:
Some years ago, I promised myself I won’t lie anymore, to anyone. I get me in troubles, because of it.
For the first time for years, I lied again. I try to feel better by thinking I did it for her own good. Yeah, right…

PART FIVE:
Never tell to the cause of your suicide you didn’t really want to die, even to make her feel better.
First, you don’t make her feel better. She feels angry, betrayed, and won’t trust you anymore. Girls suck.
Ouch, that’s it. That’s the part of the process when I become a jerk.


As life, this is to be continued...